Party Political Broadcast

In light of today's election, I thought I'd give a quick politics-for-dummies guide to our beloved potential leaders.
(Disclaimer: I'm an intensely opinionated person. This vote is your own - if you're old enough, make something of it.)


Conservative - The Posh Fascist Party. Lead by David Cameron, these guys are fuckin' ace if you're a rich toff. However, if you're a normal/working class person/not a millionaire, they're shit. Don't vote for them. Cunts.

Liberal Democrats - The Ones In Yellow Who Nobody Usually Pays Much Attention To. Lead by Nick Clegg; while they have a lot of ideas and are a great concept, whether any of these would actually come to fruition is another thing entirely. They have more of a chance this year than any other though, and they're definitely one of the less-bad parties.

Labour - The Ones Everyone Hates. Lead by Gordon Brown. See previous statement. But aside from being scapegoated for everything that's ever gone wrong, ever, Labour really aren't that bad.

The British National Party (BNP) - The Ones Who Hate Everything And Everyone. Lead by Satan, whoops I'm sorry, Nick Griffin. If you're a racist, sexist, homphobic, pro-rape, pro-domestic violence, pro-prejudice, anti-freedom mysoginist fascist, this is the party for you!

The UK Independance Party (UKIP) - The Ones With The Money Sign Logo Thing. BNP-lite, with a little extra racism thrown in for good measure.

The Green Party - The Environ-MENTAL Ones. If you care more about recycling than education, jobs, the economy, the police, the national health service, taxes and pensions, then you probably still can't vote for the Green Party because they're so hideously underrepresented.

The Monster Raving Looney Party - The Ones Who Don't Really Give A Fuck. These guys are hilarious, and really do like to make the running of Britian into a joke. Read their policies, then use your vote somewhere more worthwhile.

Hope this helps people to make an informed decision in 6 months time, during the next general election after the 2010 Hung Parliament.